Looking at the past
A soul hurt by the continuous ignorance and humiliation of the past found it equally as painful when a victim dares to share the formidable experience in the present. The trauma irks the mind of preyed woman who suffered from not giving birth to a son. She, who experienced a horrible ordeal and struggled to survive, understands the sorrows of life. The eyes of Ganga Khanal filled with tears as she spoke. “My husband had no job. I had two daughters, and I was pregnant. At that time, my mother-in-law drove us out of the home,” Ganga said. The pain produced in her mind due to unable to bear a son sporadically burned her soul. “I lost the base of my life to continue,” she said as she smeared the teardrops that fell on her cheek.
Keshab Khanal, the husband of Ganga, got angry when he was ousted from the home; he cried, but his mother did not listen to his screaming. His eyes became tearful when he told of his ruthless past. He was emotional as if he had lost the glow of his face. “I was alcoholic to extinguish the volcano of ignorance and disgrace made by my mother,” he said about his agonizing past. “I remember the day my mother ousted me. We lived in a cow-shed. It was not a day, but I underwent many days with the situation.”
Keshab did not see alternatives amidst the hustle and bustle of the family’s situation at home and decided to leave the country to go to India. Before he left, he asked for property from his mother. “I saw no conducive environment to live in joint family and asked for property which falls in my portion,” he said. “Unfortunately, I was answered that those who did not have a son had no right to possess property. It hurt my dignity. Thereafter, I sent my pregnant wife and daughters to her maternal home, and I went India.” Keshab could not control himself as he shared his story, and the inferno that filled his tearful eyes made him restless. “I have an intolerable history. But, I am proud of my wife. She never lost her hope. She calmed me down and attempted to bring peace at my home.”
Born on 1965, Ganga married Keshab on 1983 at Girouna Chitwan. The couple married on a small patch of land with many family members present. Despite the peaceful wedding, the daily brawl and scuffle made them bad in the eyes of his neighbor. Ganga vividly recalled their situation. “We begged for many days to quench our hunger,” she said. “I nearly fainted when I gave birth to third daughter. Everybody at my maternal home was crying. I lost the hope of my life. The haze blinded my life.”
After few months with no reliable income in India, Keshab returned home. He was sheltered at his own home; then, he started working at the brick factory. “I had to prepare firewood to burn bricks, but the return was so meager. My body pained with the over burden of work,” he stated about his struggle. However, the quarrelling started all over. “I again started boozing. I was worried to educate my children, but I had no alternative. I drank alcohol to forget all of these tensions,” Keshab said.
The days continued to pass, but the family had not given up hope of having son. When Ganga became pregnant again, Keshab was certain to have son this time. Ganga prayed to all gods and goddesses to give birth to a son. Their hopes were clouded as she became the mother of four successive daughters. The birth of another daughter planted new wrangle in his family. Less than a month had passed when Keshab’s mother ousted them from the home, as he, his wife and four daughters sought shelter in the cow-shed.
Once again, Keshab asked for property from his home, but the answer was the same: a man who did not have a son was not eligible to property possession. The scornful and perpetual rejection made Keshab seek out any alternative to have a son, and he decided to try a new marriage. The sudden decision was a shock and surprise to Ganga. “My life was torn apart and I was dilapidated,” Ganga said. Despite her broken heart, she felt compelled to agree to the marriage out of fear that she would face more humiliation from her family. She added a condition to her husband’s marriage to another woman; therefore, if he decided to marry, he would wed her sister. “I was humiliated by everyone in the family. So I was afraid of being dominated by his second wife and recommended to my sister expecting to receive care from her,” Ganga says. Thereafter, Keshab married Ganga’s sister, Januka. However, the new phase of life with a second wife was agonic and complicated for Keshab. Januka said, “Keshab brought me in cow-shed. My sister was full of pain, but we had to live. The night I married was spent tearful.”
Unfortunate days
The continuous squabble between the family members deteriorated the situation further. Their circumstances seemed so bleak that Januka attempted to commit suicide. She took a rope in her hands and pretended to go cut grass. She climbed up in a big tree, hung the rope in a branch and tied the rope around her neck. As she remembered her sister’s deteriorating health and saw glimpses of the daughters dancing in her eyes, she said, “I could not commit suicide. I decided to live for the children.”
The excruciating days in cow-shed were long and hard. Keshab fell deeper into a depression when his martinet mother beat him mercilessly. “There was a pineapple tree. I found three pineapples ripe and got them. I gave one to my neighbor, one to my mother and took one for my family. That was the issue my mother escalated and beat me,” Keshab said. Fortunately, his wives saved him by snatching the stick away from his mother. The mother is now in bed as she suffers from diseases. Although she is ignored by her other sons, Keshab is tending to her needs. She cannot speak, but she makes murmuring and buzzing noises. Keshab thought perhaps it was her cruel past that had returned to burn her. “What can I do? She gave me birth and she is my mother. If I do not look after her who will,” Keshab questioned.
As my conversation continued with Keshab about his past, we discussed the new marriage to Januka, which gave hope of having a son and the ability to gain property from home. After some time, both of his wives became pregnant simultaneously. (Oops!) Once again life deceived him, as Januka gave birth to a daughter! There were no words to interpret the hurt Keshab’s family felt.
Happiness kissed
Then, life brought new hope when Ganga gave birth to a son in her fourth delivery. The year-long pain was over with the newborn child. Januka was also happy, she said, “There was no limitation of my happiness. I blessed to my husband and sister.”
Then, both of his wives became pregnant again, and the same process repeated itself; Ganga gave birth to a son, and Januka bore a daughter. They mutually decided to send their husband for family planning. “We decided not to bear more children, as we got two sons. I myself advised my husband to get permanent family planning. I said to my sister not to bother me, and the two sons are mine as well,” Ganga said. By that time, Keshab was already the father of eight children and had challenge of the responsibility to raise and educate them.
The days ahead
Finally, Keshab received 12 Khatta of land from his family, but there was still quarrelling between the two wives. On 2003, Ganga heard about a group being formed in her village, and she went to visit with the women in the group. She was advised to form a group, which was to be gifted by the Milijuli Women’s Group nearby. Ganga formed a group by calling 27 women nearby her village, and her flamboyant effort convinced the women to form a group.
Trainings
Ganga received Heifer’s Cornerstones training from the Milijuli Women’s Group, as well as education in Group Management, Kitchen Gardening, Gender Equity and Improved Animal Management. "A miraculous courage emerged within me after the Cornerstones training. I grew hope and began to understand the meaning of life. I kept promises to do something to the women who were going through the same situation as mine,” Ganga said. She delivered what she learned from the Cornerstones training to her sister and husband, and she wept.
“I noticed a wonderful change in Ganga and that compelled me to think about this,” Keshab says.
“My sister wept the whole night and made us weep, too. She said that she wanted to do something and asked us to help her. We were tearful and forced to think,” Januka said. Ganga believed that unity can change. Keshab soon fell ill and there was no money at home. Ganga borrowed money from the group to treat her husband. His illness brought the whole family together as a group; and, Keshab, Ganga and Januka made a resolution to adopt the feeling of “we” and “ours.”
“It was the happiest day to me,” Keshab said. “I decided to do something as part of the group.” Keshab started to work hourly from his own home and taught everyone to do the same. He understood the ideal of living in harmony. Keshab applied all the knowledge he received from Ganga, and he started to send all children to school. The discrimination against the daughters was over.
Group Support
On 2006, the Milijuli Women’s Group gave the gift of goats and other materials to the Gagrit Women’s Group, which was formed under Ganga’s leadership. The Gagrit Women’s Group also formed another Pass on the Gift group during this period. Within 18 months of receiving the gift from the Milijuli Women’s Group, the Gagrit Women’s Group also passed on their gifts to the Shreejanshil Women’s Group. The chain of forming groups continues, as the Shreejanshil Women’s Group is in the process of forming another group near their village.
On The Way to Economic Prosperity
Ganga lacking economic opportunity and social recognition found a ray of hope in Heifer's program. The program brought both economic prosperity to her and unity to the whole family. Ganga received two goats from the Milijuli Women’s Group in 2006. “I have gifted two goats to another group during the 18 months. I had two male goats. I earned 120 dollar from them. I also took 95 dollar as a loan from the group’s fund and bought a buffalo. I earned 400 dollar selling buffalo’s milk during one year and I paid back the loan to group. I had some remaining money which I utilized to start banana cultivation,” Ganga said. She had the opportunity and idea to diversify her income by participating in income-generating activities. She cultivated bananas on the five khatta land she leased and earned 1470 dollar in one year. She was able to pay back the previous debt to the rich people. The next year she earned 1500 dollar from the banana cultivation. “We have paid back all loans taken for constructing our home. We earned about 2670 dollar per year from our all activities,” Keshab says. The income has helped them educate their children as well. The second time the goats gave birth to four more goats; she sold one goat and earned 53 dollar. “I have invested the money to educate my children. The third time goats gave three goats. Among them I kept one goat at my home and sold two. Again, I earned 135 dollar from the goats. The income further encouraged me to start vegetable cultivation,” Ganga said, adding that she now has 12 goats at her home.
Thoughts of Group Members about Ganga
“Ganga is our leader. We would not be in this situation, if she did not struggle. She never gave up. She fought over night. Now we all have goats at our home. We have started vegetable cultivation. Nowadays, we women are also able to see money in our hands. We have raised funds which can be used in our emergency and income-generating activities,” group member Jhalkumari Adhikari said. Chinamaya Khatiwada, a 71-year-old woman said, “Ganga led us. What we are now is the result and outcome of Ganga’s effort.”
Community Work under Ganga's Leadership
Provide encouragement to helpless people
Inspire and help pregnant women by visiting hospital
Help the community’s children to go school and read at home
Advocate for social justice
Help to other Women’s Groups and provide suggestion and guideline
Share ideas to increase income with the poor women in the village
Establish a local children club
Monitor the group
Affiliation
Conclusion
Life is full of struggle. Regardless of place in life, hard times are inevitable. People desire happiness in their lives, but even for those who get the opportunity to enjoy a meaningful life, only few practice it. The key is to apply the knowledge and ideas in every step of life. It is easy to understand that how dreadful and miserable life was for Ganga. Whatever the situation, if we can educate our project participants and pave the path for the helpless, we can make a difference. Among successful women across Heifer’s program, Ganga is an exemplary woman.
By Amrit Bhandari
